Chapter 3 - The Sister Nobody Was Allowed to ClaimWhen Jack was nineteen, his father, Walter, had an affair. It lasted less than a year. The woman, Renee, got pregnant.
When Patricia found out, she nearly walked away from the marriage entirely. Jack understood her anger. So did Denise. But somewhere in the middle of that anger, Lily — a baby who hadn't done anything to anyone — became part of the punishment.
Walter claimed her as his daughter and paid for her needs. Patricia tolerated that much. What she wouldn't tolerate was Lily becoming part of the family in any real sense. No holidays. No birthdays. No photos in the house. And Jack was expected to follow the same rules.
For years, he did.
Then Lily turned four, and Walter asked Jack to come to her birthday party.
"I told him no three times," Jack said.
"What changed?"
"He begged me. So I went." He rubbed a hand over his face. "She followed me around that whole party. Near the end she looked up at me and asked if I was really her brother. I said yes. She hugged me, and that was it. That was the whole thing."
After that, he started visiting her. Quietly at first. Then regularly.
When Patricia found out, she told him he was betraying her.
"Because you were seeing your own sister?" I asked.
"Because in her head, accepting Lily meant accepting what Dad did."
"Lily didn't have an affair, Jack."
"I know that."
"Does your mother?"
"She knows it. Living with it is a different thing for her."
Walter died five years ago. After that, Renee started struggling — working two jobs, barely holding onto the apartment. It turned out Walter had owned this apartment as a rental, and when he died, it passed to Jack. Jack let Renee and Lily stay in it.
"You own this place?"
"Yes."
"How long have you been coming here?"
"Five years."
The whole length of our relationship. Every bit of it.
"You've been visiting them this entire time we've been together?"
"Yes."
At least he didn't try to soften it. "How often?"
"Once, twice a week."
Suddenly a dozen memories were rearranging themselves in my head — the late nights, the weekend errands, the times he swore a coworker needed help moving a couch.
"You lied to me. For four years."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"When we first started dating I figured it was too complicated to get into. And then four years went by, and I kept telling myself I'd explain it when the time was right."
"You married me yesterday, Jack."
"I know."
I held up Lily's card. "Then why does an eleven-year-old think you're going to stop being her brother now that you're married to me?"
Something in his face changed, and I knew there was more.
"Jack."
He looked away from me. "Mom asked me to."
"To what?"
"She said once I got married, I needed to decide where my loyalty actually belonged."
"With who?"
"My family."
I nearly laughed, except nothing about it was funny. "Lily is your family."
"I know that."
"Everyone in this story keeps saying they know that while acting like they don't."
He stood up. "Claire, I was never planning to just disappear on her."
"Then why did she write this card?" I read the line back to him. "'I promise I won't bother you after you get married.' Why does a little girl think she's a bother?"
"I told her things might look different after the wedding."
"What things, exactly?"
"I didn't know what else to say to her."
Up until that point, most of my anger had been about being lied to. Now I was angry for a completely different reason.
"You were going to use me as the reason."
"No."
"Yes, you were." I held the card up between us. "You let an eleven-year-old believe that marrying me meant she had to disappear. I hadn't even met her. You were going to let me be the excuse for cutting her loose, without ever telling me any of this."
"That's not what I meant to do."
"Your mother told you to choose between your wife and your sister. I'm your wife, Jack. When exactly did I ask you to make that choice?"
He didn't have an answer for that either. Before either of us could say anything more, the front door opened again.
"Jack?"
A woman's voice — Renee, carrying grocery bags, with Lily right behind her.
The girl froze in the doorway when she saw me. Her eyes went from Jack to me and back again. I was still in the simple white sundress I'd thrown on that morning.
"Are you Emma— I mean, Claire?" she asked, catching herself.
"Yes."
She looked scared. Not curious. Scared. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I know I'm not supposed to bother him anymore."
Jack closed his eyes like he'd been hit.
I crouched down so we were closer to eye level. "Who told you that?"
"Nobody." But her eyes flicked toward Jack when she said it.
May you like
"It's okay," she added, quiet. "I know he has you now."
I had to look away for a second so she wouldn't see my face.
