Chapter 4 - The Real Reason
At the hearing, the state's attorney spent twenty minutes laying out why I was a bad bet.
He wasn't cruel. A lot of it was fair. I was single. I'd never raised a child. My savings were gone. Five kids under seven was a mountain of financial and emotional weight. And if the placement fell apart, those kids would get hit with one more disruption on top of losing their mother.
Every word of that was true.
Then Judge Barrett looked at me.
"What is your real reason for doing this, Mr. Ward?"
The room went silent.
I turned a little. The kids were on the bench behind me. Elijah had Adeline's hand in his. Danny sat on her other side. Marlene held Melody. The baby sat next to Marlene.
Elijah was sitting up straight, watching me. Old enough to know something big was happening. Young enough to still believe it might go right.
So I told the judge the truth.
I told him about the photo. About eating dinner alone. About the bunk beds and the five car seats and the empty bank account. I told him the state's attorney was right that I didn't fully understand what I was walking into.
Then I told him about Elijah.
"That boy is seven years old," I said. "He called 911 when his mother died. He's spent three weeks trying to keep his family in one piece. I watched my own sister carry that kind of weight when we were kids, and I know what it does to a person."
My voice wasn't smooth. I was scared. But I kept going.
"I can't undo what happened to them. I can't promise I'll do it perfectly. But I can give them a home where Elijah doesn't have to be the grown-up."
Judge Barrett didn't interrupt.
"The other option is three houses in three counties," I said. "They already lost their mom. I don't want them to lose each other too."
Then I said the part I meant the most.
"I'm not telling you I can do this perfectly. I'm telling you I can do it."
Quiet.
Judge Barrett looked at me for a long time. Then he said, "Mr. Ward, one more question."
"Yes, sir."
"Do you understand that if this adoption is finalized, you are legally, financially, and morally responsible for these five children until they're grown? There's no easy door out of this if it gets hard."
"Yes."
"And you're prepared to accept that."
I looked at Elijah.
"Yes."
Judge Barrett turned toward the kids. He studied them for a few seconds. Then he looked down at the paperwork.
"I've been doing this job for thirty-one years," he said. His voice shifted. "I've watched a lot of people sit where you're sitting, for a lot of reasons. Some good. Some not."
He paused.
"I'm approving the placement, subject to the review periods and continued agency supervision. You'll have support, Mr. Ward. You are not expected to do this alone."
Then he signed.
By the time he set the pen down, he'd taken his glasses off, and his eyes were wet.
Diane touched my arm. Behind me, Marlene was quietly explaining to the kids what had just happened.
Elijah said, "We're all going?"
Marlene said, "You're all going."
May you like
Nobody said anything for a second.
Then Elijah made a sound I still can't describe right. Relief, maybe. Or the sound of a kid who's been holding his breath for three weeks finally letting it go.
