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Chapter 1 - The Swimsuit She Told Me to Hide

At 68, my daughter told me she was embarrassed to be seen next to me at the pool — then her husband removed his shirt and the entire backyard stopped breathing.

At sixty-eight, I had finally stopped apologizing for my own body.

It took me almost seven decades to get there. Three kids. Two surgeries. A husband who left and a husband who stayed and then died. Somewhere in all of that, I quit flinching at mirrors.

So when my daughter Kayla invited the whole family to her backyard pool party, I did something I hadn't done since the Reagan years. I drove to the mall and bought myself a swimsuit. Bright blue. One piece, but not the kind that tries to disappear. The kind you can actually see.

The party was already loud when I got there — cousins, in-laws, kids shrieking off the diving board, a folding table full of potato salad and sweating soda cans. I found a lounge chair in the sun, set down my bag, and pulled off my cover-up.

Kayla was standing three feet away with a stack of paper plates. She stopped and looked at me.

"Mom." A beat. "Seriously?"

"What?"

She stepped closer and dropped her voice. "Could you please cover yourself up? There are twenty people here."

My face went hot.

I raised three children. I have wrinkles and loose skin and a long, curved scar that runs across my stomach from a surgery years ago. None of that was news to me. But hearing it from my own daughter, in front of her friends, with a stack of plates in her hand — that landed somewhere I wasn't ready for.

I reached for the cover-up.

That's when her husband stood up.

"No," Mark said.

Kayla turned. "What?"

"If she has to cover up, then so do I."

Before anyone could say a word, he reached back, pulled his T-shirt over his head, and dropped it on the chair.

The whole patio went quiet.

Running across Mark's stomach was a scar. Long. Curved. On the same side as mine. The same strange hooked shape, like a question mark somebody started and didn't finish.

My glass almost slipped out of my hand.

In seven years, Mark and I had never once talked about surgeries. Not his. Not mine.

Kayla looked at him, then at me, then back. "Why do you two have the same scar?"

Mark looked down at his own stomach like he'd never really seen it before. He looked as lost as I felt.

Then my sister Harriet stood up.

She's eighty-two. She'd been parked in a shaded chair by the shallow end all afternoon, barely moving. Now she was on her feet, walking straight toward Mark, her eyes locked on that scar.

"Turn around," she said.

"What?"

"Please."

Mark turned, slow, confused.

And my sister put her hand over her mouth.

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That scar. That silence. That look on Harriet's face.

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